Friday, March 2, 2012

Who has God called me to be?

So a lot of decisions have been arising in mu life, but mainly who is God calling me to be?

We women have a tendency to compare each others lives we forget that what works for that family may not work for our and there are many reasons for that. May we live similar lives, of course but, what I do know is God has a different calling for us all!  The question still remains, what is MY calling?

When I was a teenager I never would have imagined my life with me being a stay at home mom, seriously NEVER. Then however I gave birth to such a precious baby girl who changed my life forever, she changed my hope, dreams, and desires, I didn't want to go back to work, I was enraged that I had to leave my helpless child while I went to some meaningless unrewarding job.  Since then, I have always desired strongly to be a stay at home mom, there are endless benefits. Now here I am two beautiful baby girls later and I am a stay at home mom, and I LOVE it, I love being with them every waking moment being there for every single milestone made, I see how happy they are that they are with me! However there are endless sacrifices when it comes to the things of this world, as a Christian wife and mother, I am learning to see them for what they are, "things" these things are NOT of my Fathers kingdom, I will not take any of them with me to my permanent dwelling in His kingdom.  For the time in this world however, there are "things"  necessary for survival, some are luxuries, and some are dreams. Do I sit idol and never accomplish those dreams?

I am beginning to see the sacrifices of living on one income more and more, and wondering if my roll is to simply stay in the home?  What can I offer my family that will make these dreams of ours come true? Does being a Christian mean that I have to be in the home? I do not think it takes a SAHM to raise a Godly family, nor do I believe I need to be in the home 24/7 to guide my household, and more importantly am I being the best helpmate to my husband by staying at home?  My dream used to be, becoming a Registered Nurse, once I had kids they became my dream, and school was put on hold until they were a little more self sufficient, if ever. While I LOVE being home 24/7 with my kids, I am seeing the struggles of one income affecting my emotions and patience with them. I am beginning to question if throwing my dreams aside is the best decision for my family, we have financial struggles that we wouldn't have if I worked, so much added stress, and uncertainty eating away at me.  I see dreams of owning a home drifting further and further away at an alarming rate. I see us standing still not moving forward simply STUCK! Shaun has three years left to complete his electrical hours before he can sit and take the state test, even when he passes (and I know he will because he is amazingly brilliant) his job will always be affected by the economy, what do we do then? Decisions, decisions.

Why I want to be a Nurse.  I want to help people, I want to save lives, I want to be there when new life enters this world, help those scared patents by offering my skills, compassion, and comfort.  I can do so much in that field.  Being a nurse at a hospital means I would be working three 12 hour shift so that is just 12 days a month working and I could always work that out around my Husbands schedule, I could work nights, weekends, whatever so that my children were with their mom or dad not daycare, and that is if I chose to work full time which is not the goal but I know a fresh nurse takes whatever job she can get because everyone wants someone with experience.  Finally, the  money is amazing it would provide that comfort, the dream of owning our own house, fixing the car when it need fixing, complaining about gas but being able to afford the increase, getting the kids in dance, soccer, baseball, cheer, or whatever they want and most importantly having more babies! I want at least one and maybe two more, but with our income now we cannot afford anymore children and that breaks my heart.  I want a baby so badly (yes already) I love the age difference my kids are now it is perfect for us but nope no more kids right now because financially we can't afford it, yes I could be selfish and get pregnant anyways but that is wrong, I refuse to bring children into this world that I cannot pay for! I feel like I have been called to do so much in so many peoples lives through nursing, choosing this career will be a hard sacrifice because school is so intense for two years and I would be away from my kids most of the week, but at least this sacrifice has an end date, there is a huge light at the end of the tunnel, the reward is so great!

I fell like this is who God is calling me to be! I will help save lives, I will comfort a scared mother, I will make a sick child laugh, I will be all that I can be, I will raise my children in the way they should go, I will have more children, I will guide my household, I will be a better helpmate for my husband, I will chase the American dream, because that is who I feel I am called to be!

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